I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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