No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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