so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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