I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
