Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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