I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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