Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
