Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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