i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
