i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
