She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
