How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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