I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
