Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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