Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
