Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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