shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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