her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
