i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
