Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
They are going to name an STD after you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
