Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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