she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
