Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
