dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
