When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
