My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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