Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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