dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
