i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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