That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
