I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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