whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
my liver is dry heaving
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
