fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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