forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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