I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
