So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
