Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
