He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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