Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
