I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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