Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
