I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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