Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
