he thought i was a dude.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
