i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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