turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
