Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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