I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
