If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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