shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
