i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
