FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
