and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
