I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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