New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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