you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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