No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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