we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
