You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
