Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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