Soap is not a condiment
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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