you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
