my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
