guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
