i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
