Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
