Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
