How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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