We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
